Bachelor Chronicles

Just arrived home after a short evening vigil in the bar discussing ‘grown-up’ stuff with fellow make workmates, drawing plans which I shall soon divulge, to find my neighbour at his door enthusiastically slapping the floor at what I immediately identify as a pest control measure. I smile and nod, dejavu, I was once in that predicament so I share the sorrow.
“Buda boss! Vipi!”
“Niko sawa kaka, ndio kuingia?”
“Yeap kama kawaida……naona umetembelewa…..” I smile stupidly.
“baaaana! Roaches kila mahali leo nimeamua!”

Apparently there was a battle for ownership of the apartment with the small creatures and my on & off pal had to declare dominion! You see we share a bond very few can define, understood by all men and sneered by the ladies, we are bachelors! Which, in simple terms, is saying if you brought me a kilo of roast meat (nyama choma) past midnight and you just happen to forget to salt it, as I often get afflicted by my amnesia when I walk into the supermarket, he would be the first door I would knock. He would get up from deep slumber and open up, I would in turn unashamedly ask for a pint of salt to which he would offer a whole shaker! Folks! What a friend!

I would, in turn, welcome the starving soul for midnight supper for his gas had died over the weekend, but he never got the time to order and receive a new cylinder, busy working or partying and all. So we drug along and devour the kilo like no-one’s business! The kikuyu have an old saying ‘Mwana mwega nõ dà’ (A good child is his stomach). You would be alarmed, you with your boogie self from a standard family complete with helps and all, and would get lost in thought as to what had just transpired! We, pal & I, would seek to lift your worry, for that is what we do and my pal would mention, offertory, the uncooked skuma (kales) and ‘quarter’ he had bought earlier having forgotten his gas situation, and didn’t have the energy to come use mine! Now that he had the energy, what to do??

Gas on! Massive Ugali up! Skuma & Meat! Avocado(guacamole) Pap!!!

There is something sinister about men’s cooking! It is always unexpectedly sweet! Always sweeter than before, and always cooked in less than perfect situations. We devour and halfway I can see you changing your mind from ‘What the hell are these animals doing?’ to ‘I can live with these ninjas!’
You are welcomed! Our treat.

“Acha nikushow kitu” I walk into my little ‘hole in the wall’ and head straight for the roach killing powder I had tried and tested; well stored for the more expired the more potent! I quickly walk my friend through application procedures, careful that none falls on plates he would eat on or food he’d eat. I leave with a ‘Ilinisafishia nyumba, wageni wangu wakakuwa wako…’

I love my life!